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Two people can change

“I loved you so hard for a time. I’ve tried to ration it all  my life. We could go yellow to black overnight. I take you for granted because you are mine.” One month had slipped away. One month since I last saw Conrad Fisher. It still feels like I’m waiting for him to walk through that motel door, back into my last summer. June went by like a ticking time bomb, ending as quickly as it had come. Every moment, every uttered word, every interaction with Conrad remained etched in my memory since the morning he left me standing in that motel room. He told me none of it meant anything— what he’d said in the 3 a.m. darkness. But I knew it was a lie. The infinity necklace, now slightly dulled, continued to sparkle as if reminiscing the past. It shined differently from its hidden place in my dresser drawer. But it wasn’t the same. Nothing was. I had lost Conrad Fisher, my first love, the first boy I ever slow danced with, the first boy I ever dreamed about in a blink of an eye. He was gone,...
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Will you cry?

"When you talk, you get shallow. Where I walk, you don't follow. When I scream, you're my echo. Will you cry if I let go?” Driving back from Brown toward my Pennsylvania home, I could sense the weight of everything pressing down on me like a burden. Everything between the three of us seemed to be broken, destined for sorrow. Conrad Fisher was done with me; he hated me, and I struggled to understand the gravity of it all. For most of my life, I thought things were set in motion, my saving grace. But when I kissed Jeremiah, I believed in this— in us. A belief in him and his golden retriever heart. Yet, now, with rain pouring down relentlessly from the skies, confusion clouded my mind. I felt lost. didn’t know what I was doing. I gave Conrad the chance to reject me one more time, even after pleading with him over and over again. He made it clear he didn’t want me anymore, so I had to let him go. Still, his gaze held a mixture of hate, pity, and indifference. But this time, te...
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Where do we go now?

“‘Cause now, I'm half of myself here without you. You're the best in my life and I lost you. And we had no control when it fell through.” When I woke up from my slumber, I found myself in a dizzying haze, my head still throbbing from last night’s bottle of tequila. The ache in my heart persisted after I gave Conrad the chance to break my heart a thousand times over again. Being unexpectedly shaken up by my mother of all people plunged me into a daydream-like state of confusion and loss.  For my entire life, my mother had become a steady force, a constant presence— sensitive, yet rigid and outspoken. Secretly, I always wished that Susannah could be my mother in another life, this comforting spirit with a warm heart. But when she died, Susannah left an irreplaceable void within me, leaving me with an empty space. As my mother’s hand struck my face in a harsh slap, I winced and fought back tears. She had never done that before. Its echo throughout the summer house was how I knew C...
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I know I should hate you

"I just drank something strong to try to forget, but it wasn't right. No, you're not even here, but you're doin' my head in. I know that I should hate you." Tonight was our last night in Cousins Beach, the last night we would call the house ours, and with a flicker, that would all be over. In a moment, Susannah’s magic would be gone. Everything seems to be falling apart, as if the immense weight of the universe was collapsing beneath my feet. The house, now empty and devoid of a million promises of summer, stood as a hollow floorboard. The beach house, more like a second home, was no longer mine. Instead, it wreaked misery and loneliness. Susannah was dead, Conrad and I barely looked at each other, as if nothing happened, and I stood in the house all alone. The wound that Susannah left was overgrown– painful and raw, a hurt that would never heal. But I was a mess, nothing was going right, and I couldn’t help but want to fix it. All of us filled the summer hous...
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I miss you, I’m sorry

“Good to each other, give it the summer. I knew you too. But I only saw you once in December. I’m still confused. You said, ‘Forever,’ and I almost bought it.” The salty breeze, just a cruel reminder of summer, swept through the open window, carrying with it all the weight of my regrets. I missed spending the days in Cousins with the boys when Susannah wore her heart on her sleeve, and Conrad’s presence electrified my soul.  With the smell of the deep blue seas and lingering wounds still harsh, my heart constricted. I woke up from my daydreaming daze, but the memories were as clear as the sky. Conrad's lips had been cool and salty from the ocean under the blaze of summer sun in Cousins. In May, my heart still ached with the weight of Susannah’s absence, and I found myself going through the motions of everyday life, trying to understand the void she left behind. While the world moved forward, it felt like I was stuck in a haze of grief, desperately trying to touch something as far a...
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